Tonight I let the sadness come.
I feel disconnected from my children, still there and going through the motions to feed and bathe them but distant…
And tonight I choose gentleness.
Instead of judging and condemning myself again…
For closing my raw heart…
I walk to fill up another glass of milk and I say…
It is okay.
You can distance yourself.
Your heart matters too.
So I do.
And I soften.
And I am gentle…
With myself and
Even more so with my children.
I float up and just keep moving.
Allowing this space from the intensity of the ground level…
And it is okay.
I still love.
I still feel peace and presence…
I don’t want to stay here forever…
Too many years were spent floating and removed.
But for tonight
It is okay.
It is a welcomed reprieve.
An ethereal breath.
I love and forgive me tonight.
Tonight I let the sadness come.
Tonight I choose gentleness.
What is the ONE thing you can do to invite more presence, pleasure and peace into your life?
That’s right! Just as the title explicitly states, “sit your butt down!”
Just the word brings up so many feelings for people. It sounds nice, but what does it really mean and do I REALLY have to let go of ALL my thoughts?
I’m not going to take this time to tell you the thousands of benefits of meditation, the different kinds or products, apps and novelties you can use to enhance your sitting meditation practice.
Here are some links for those who are interested:
I AM going to give you simple steps that anyone can do no matter rich or poor, stationary or mobile, ridiculously busy or perfectly balanced.
Here is a short simple guide to sitting meditating:
1) IMPORTANT: Give yourself permission to just sit. This is crucial as our western mind is always coming up with better things to do with our time before we’ve even fully experienced what is right in front of us…what we are doing right now. So trust you inclination to just sit and that all good things will come from it!
It sounds something like this in your head – “All I have to do for the next 1, 2, 5 or 10 minutes is sit and breathe.”
Then if your mind still needs a reason – “I am doing more good for myself, my family and the world in these 5 minutes than I am rushing around like a like a crazy person for two hours not really accomplishing anything of meaning!”
2) You guessed it! Sit your ass down!
Here’s the kicker – it doesn’t’ matter where! You can make a “sacred space” or alter or find a beautiful setting for sure, but I can tell you I wasted years NOT meditating looking for the perfect spot! I used to sit under our fig tree but since we moved into a 700 square foot apartment, I now wake up, put my butt on the pillow my head was just laying on and sit criss-cross-applesauce first thing in the morning. You can sit on your patio, on the floor, next to your kids as they drift of to sleep…. it doesn’t matter, just SIT STILL.
3) Sit as tall as you can, spine towards the sky. If this is uncomfortable, then screw it! Just sit. :)
4) Close your eyes. Um, yeah, that’s it. J :)
5) Breathe. In and out. Inhale and exhale.
You do NOT have to breath any particular way! If your mind needs something to do simple say to yourself, “I am breathing in” (yep, when you are indeed breathing in) and “I’m and breathing out” (you guessed it, when you are exhaling).
6) ***EXTRA CREDIT FOR YOU OVER ACHEIVERS***
Do it once a day for a week and I would love to hear about your experience in the comments below!
Do you think anyone could do this? Too hard? Too easy? Just right?
Thanks for making the world a better place by sitting yo’ ass down!
For lifetime upon lifetime I was nurtured, grown, groomed, prompted, forced, beaten, raped and tortured, encouraged and demanded, patronized and cohered into being a very strong and powerful woman. In THIS lifetime, being a strong and powerful woman has meant fitting into the masculine archetype, structure, idea and reality of what strong and powerful mean. My body is beginning to violently reject the generations of control and even the subtle (cordial) manipulations of our current time and space.
I forgot my indigenous and tribal roots! My natural and animalistic blueprint that burns from the depth of my being… “You have given life to ALL!”
Today I remember.
I let my rage, anger and fear teach me. I allow it to come to the surface, be expressed! I have felt remorse and become curious…
Curious about “why” it was even there and “how” to tame it (NO MORE TAMING)!
And I felt, really felt and I remembered…and I lived….and I learned ...am learning.
In this lifetime I am again made to be a strong and powerful, influential leader! Yet there are no maidens waiting to brush and braid my hair, bath my body and anoint my feet. There is no one to tighten my corset and arrange my features in a statuesque manner as to please the men and masses.
It is up to me to care, to take extreme and luscious care of myself.
This is my work.
I have ruled over souls and kingdoms. I have been the muse and master. I have been the willing courtisane and confidant of many through which my hidden voice made it to the ears that mattered.
Yet I have never ruled over my own body.
This is my work.
I have held meetings in public and in secret, led counsels, kept schedules and agendas to meet the expectations of armies and royalty. I have had time and space handed to me on an elusive golden platter that dictated my comings and goings to the good of all!
And now my body yearns for timelessness.
My body desires to feel safe enough to relax, receive and return to it the compassion that sustained empires.
And that is my work.
To dispel the illusion of my own mind and practice – every day and every moment caring immaculately for my own body, mind and soul.
To relax into my reality to allow the show to go on…because it must.
It must go on and I am the river, trees, mountains, caves and fields of wildflowers through which it lives.
My body, my sacred system cared for exquisitely can and will contain the illusion as it undoes itself.
No more fighting. No more rage.
I've been waiting for the perfect time to post my next blog...waiting and waiting and waiting to let all of you know what has been going on and why the lengthy period of time between posts.
But you know what? There is in never a perfect time. The perfect, i'mperfect, time is right now! So here I am. I'm checking in today, this September 25th at 12:59 PM. I'm feelin a little frustrated and very quiet. Readying to go inward (as soon as my 3 year old stops sneaking out of her room and peeking around the corner on her hands and knees). :)
I last posted about "landing." And indeed that was the case. Many people are feeling right now a new relationship with their physical bodies and that is true for me also. I had a very dramatic experience of actually being able to feel my body again. I think my partner thought I was on drugs becausee I kept dragging my feet against the carpet and my hands over smooth surfaces just because I could FEEL them, as if for the first time! The mental and emotional effects have been lovely as well...my body has slowed down to an "earth" pace (think of water cutting a river into rock) and thus my mind and emotions have done the same. I am less reactionary and more thoughtful before I speak. When I honor this change and allow my physical body time to really "feel" a situation, I make better decisions. It has been quite the integration and visceral in a way I never knew possible.
Why am I telling you this? I know that many of you are feeling a shift as well. Maybe you have experienced the opposite and have felt a quickening in your body or thoughts. Maybe you've begun to feel your heart calling you to make a change or feel into a life transition in a way you never have before. Whatever you are experiencing...it is all as it should be. I just wanted to assure all of you that what you are feeling is. Just is.
Try not to judge the shifting. Try to embrace the integration even if it feels foreign. You are becoming more of who you really are...who WE really are! When you feel into what the Universe is calling you to do and do the internal work that is yours, you are healing all of us...you are healing the world! We are moving into a more integrated way of love, peace and joy and listening to your body and your heart is an integral part of making this shift happen!
So, I want to hear from YOU! Check in. Tell me how you're feeling in your body right now. What is true for you right now and know all of it is good and welcomed!
Thank you for reading and allowing me this time to integrate more wholeness into my life! For those of you wondering, I am still taking clients for spiritual coaching and energy readings you need only to contact me through this site or on facebook to get all the details. :)
Many blessings on this beautiful Sunday afternoon!
Now off to help my sneaky little sprite drift off to dreamland...or are we already here? ;)
Last week I blogged about Alignment #1 for living a more authentic life. These are rules I "officially" lived at Eden Unplugged in a small community of evolutionary entrepreneurs for three days and nights. They also represent the genuine feeling of self-awareness and community that was the real education students received in my classroom as a teacher of young souls...solving equations was secondary. :) I'm so excited to share them with you and have already received amazing feedback about peeps actually applying these principles to their lives and seeing results! Woo hoo!
Alignment #2: Don't Do What You Don't Want To Do!
Now I was thinking to myself, this is the same as the first alignment and I really like to keep things positive rather than tell people what NOT to do. But there are a few important distinctions I would like to highlight here.
Those of you who have ever said to yourself...
I have to...
I'm supposed to...
I always get roped into...
I hate doing this but...
I don't really want to but...
then you are doing things that ARE NOT serving your highest interset and robbing you of more PRESENCE, PLEASURE and PEACE right now!
No more obligations!
Here's the subtlety -
Alignment #2 is about you CEASING from doing the things you don't really want to do and
Alignment #1 is about CREATING the things you DO want to do!
So now CEASE and CREATE! (but only if you want to:)
I’ve been humbled this week. I was forced to really look at the message I am sending out to people. A message I’ve tried to live, communicate and teach for years…to just “be!” I sometimes talk about “being present” (one of my rules as a classroom teacher) and last week encouraged you (and myself) to just be and allow.
This week I got an email from a beloved friend of 20 + years, pissed off that I was telling people to “just be” when our world was falling apart. He felt I was giving people an excuse to just sit on their asses all day and not lift a finger to do the work that is required to get our world back on track. I’ve built my life and business around the concept and practice of “being present” so this well meaning email caused me to take pause!
Okay, his directness stung a little (a lot :))…but it inspired me. After the sting wore off…to question my own intentions and also take a deeper look at the reasons for living, coaching and writing so much about this topic.
Was there some truth to what he was suggesting?
Was I giving people and possibly myself an excuse to be lazy?
I knew there was some truth in it because of the strong reaction I had.
Note: if you have a strong reaction to something someone else says or does there is always a lesson (and a gift) in it for YOU…it has nothing to do with the other person.
So here’s what I learned. I DO hide behind my keyboard quite often. It is safe and I can choose whether or not I respond to emails and comments about what I write. It protects my sensitive nature and in some ways keeps me from actually doing the work that I know needs to get done in real life that would make my services more accessible. Writing is one way of being present for me so if I’m writing and nurturing my own soul, thus advancing the consciousness of the world, then all is well...right? Maybe. Or is more balance called for. Hmmm...at least something for me to ponder.
So, I have now taken more action this week to do some of the things I’ve wanted to do for a long time (namely getting organization and systems in place to help boost my productivity). Whoa, did that just leave my fingertips? lol
Thanks to my amazing friend, I’ve allowed my “being” time to be a catalyst for inspired action and both the being and the doing have been more fruitful! Woot! :)
I also learned that I don’t have to be afraid to question and reflect on what I believe to be true. If any of you have had to leave a religion or have lived a life in opposition to your family’s values (I’ve done both) then you know what I mean.
I was worried that if I really looked at my motivations, intentions and “truths” about being present, I would find that I actually know jack squat about what I was trying to articulate and thus be found out to be a fraud! But the gift was that as I communicated with my friend, I became more and more convinced of the importance of becoming aware and being present in order to act, do and work from a place of authenticity. He forced me to stand up for my beliefs and also mirrored back and affirmed them as I was able to clarify my motivations.
I stand firm knowing that as we become more present to your our own life we heighten the effectiveness and meaning of our work in the world as well as create fun and ease within the process of “work” itself!
So many of us just do and do and do without ever stopping to think…what the hell am I running around doing all this for?
Why am I working so hard at a job I despise?
Why am I giving all of my time to things I really could care less about?
Because society tells you to? Your boss? Your God?
This I know, until you are able to be - just be - with yourself and until you get present enough to hear your own soul, your actions will be forced, laborious, and less effective than if you learn to get present and listen.
So there it is...the lesson that kicked my butt into action and the gift of my friend (and teacher) for speaking his own truth to help me clarify my own!
Now get busy...just being!
1) Think about your financial situation. Now breathe and scan your body…where do you feel constriction, resistance or density? This is probably where you are holding your beliefs and energy about money in your body. (I held mine on my left side between my stomach and my heart…stuck between power/discipline chakra and love chakra!) Bring awareness to this area of your body when you are dealing with situations involving money. Breathe into it and release it by directing healing energy towards it.
2) Write down all your beliefs about money and the people that have it (or don’t have it). See blog entry Transparency and The Energy of Money for my examples. :)
3) Find a reason to be thankful for each of your limiting or undesirable beliefs. What have they taught you and what is of value moving forward into financial freedom!
4) Align your financial freedom with what you TRULY VALUE!!! If it’s time with loved ones…how will having money afford you more time with loved ones! If it’s spiritual growth…how will financial freedom allow for exponential growth of spirit! If it’s lattes and green smoothies made by someone besides you so be it! :) Begin to FEEL your inside world and outside world aligning! Ahhhhhhh! Now smile. :)
I have a problem with reacting impulsively. Verbally that is.
To my defense I chalk this up to being a "highly intuitive and sensitive child" who kept her perception of the world deep down inside for a LONG time! So now that the pity part is over (almost ;)) and I've found my voice, my emotions, intuitions, judgments, ideas, inspirations now come spewing out on those unexpecting victims I like to call my loved ones at warp speed! :)
Do you know anyone like this? ;)
Now that my feet are beginning to touch the ground, I am learning how to be "in authentic relationship" with other human beings in this earthly realm... and, well, in my earth tone living room.
I'm not talking about the kind of relationship where, you play and role and I play a role...I ignore your shit if you ignore mine. I'm talking about a whole new paradigm of being together...a welcoming, accepting and helping each other transform into more highly evolved individuals who carry the light of the Universe within our very SOULS kind of relationship!
And to be frank...I suck at this!
I'm learning every day and I wanted to share something (pretty drastic) I did this week to keep my impulsivity in check and my relationships in tact! :)
I decided to be silent!
That’s right folks…I am a non-reactionary, all accepting, completely allowing, non-attachment, loving, breathing (a lot of breathing) woman! It can be done. When emotions, reactions, intuitive feelings, judgments, perceptions want to come hurdling out of me at the speed of light (which is quite often, I might add),
take a breath…
acknowledge my feelings (very important),
take responsibility for my own stuff and
And all this in the time it would normally take me to cut someone off, mispercieve their intention, project my own fears, doubts or insecurities on them, and then make some distorted profession of my all knowing, all seeing nature! J
I choose silence!
H ave you ever felt like you’re being pulled in a hundred different directions all at once? You women out there may be asking, isn’t that just the way life is? Do you like to call this dispersion of energy “multi-tasking?” Well, I’m going to pop some of your bubbles (especially the ladies out there)! Multi-tasking is great for doing a lot of things without a lot of consciousness. And recent studies of “multi-tasking” have shown it to be much less effective than focusing on one thing at a time. Okay, I may have lost some of you now because you’re saying, well that’s how I am or that’s how I function…but hear me out (sistas especially…the gentlemen have got this one pretty much down)! What I’m about to say will make you feel less stressed thus decrease illness and boost your immune system and maybe even increase your overall quality of life, especially during this busy time of year!
H ere it is…BLOCK YOUR TIME! Before you begin your week go through each day and decide what you will choose to be present to and BLOCK IT! The secret then is to HONOR YOUR OWN CHOICES! If you block 4pm-6pm for dinner/family time then don’t check your email while the pasta is boiling! I know we all CAN do this, but it doesn’t mean it is to our highest benefit. If you’ve set this time aside for family and dinner…BE PRESENT to your choice! Listen to your kids chatter in the back seat on the way home from practice instead of finishing up that last business call. Make dinner a time to reinvigorate the senses (which will serve in other areas of your life as well J). Listen to the water boil, enjoy the aroma of the sauce (even if it’s straight from the jar)…can you pick out the scent of onion and garlic. Sit down and, now I know this might sound crazy, TASTE and CHEW your food! Enjoy the face time with your roommate, spouse, friends , kids or yourself! J BE PRESENT to what is in front of you…after all YOU chose it!
Block the your time the way you would like to spend it! Go for the ideal! Yes, life will happen sometimes? Of course! But try to honor how and with what or whom you’d like to spend you’re time with. Be completely present with your choice, mind, body and spirit! See how you FEEL? You may actually get more done and be happier and healthier doing it! J
Yesterday I was sitting out on the patio watching my two-year-old, Louisa, splash around in her plastic swimming pool. You know the one: blue with multi colored, bug-eyed underwater creatures staring up at you through the leaf-laden water? It’s amazing the abandon with which such a small child slips and slides, jumps and splashes, never worrying that a little leaf may stick to her butt or that she will slip and fall too hard. With unabashed wildness she flung her limbs as I watched the water spray up in the air and fall like fairy dust all around this beautiful iridescent skinned sprite.
Just then my wide camera focus, narrowed as my daughter honed in on a small buzzing creature flipped upside down in the wakes. The water settled to a calm placid lake as Lou crept up on the tiny insect struggling for its life. My instinct as a mama bear was to leap in between my little one and the deadly stinging monster, but something in that moment made me stop…and watch…and be still.
I looked at the amusement and absolute unbridled joy on my daughter’s face. I then looked inside my constricted, anxious self and chose to exhale…and smile. She giggled as she pushed the water around the little helper bee and now I felt that urge to help the little guy out, but again, I inhaled …and waited …and smiled.
Louisa was now concerned for the struggling little exoskeleton as well. I encouraged her to find a way to help if that is what she felt. She pointed to an empty cinnamon container sitting in the overgrown grass outside of the pool and motioned for me to assist. I did and she filled the shaker with water. Sliding up on the bee, she began dowsing it as she poured water from the little holes in the top of the once spicy abode.
“Come on bubas,” she cheered him on with her own pet name.
The anthropod gasped and struggled to breathe (I imagine) through the enormous droplets. She had high hopes for the little guy. She saw his infinite potential as pollinator to the greatest of flowers and wanted him to be able to live out his bee mission (or wait, was that me…hmmmm?). Lou was slightly disheartened. I was devastated!
I encouraged her to try something else. She picked up a rectangular shaped container resembling a kitty litter box (okay… it was a kitty litter box, but we got it at Goodwill and I didn’t realize it until we got home and had already spent many hours filling it up with “bubble water” to play in on our small upstairs apartment patio…pre grassy yard with big plastic pool). So this bubble keeper quickly became a wave maker as Lou scooped and pushed the water trying to get our little hero to climb onto the rim of the poop box. Again she was at a loss. The bee could not seem to jump, fly or climb the thick edge to save its own life. There was, however, forward progress made as massive waves flipped the bee over so he could now doggie paddling his six legs and seemed, even for a bee, a little more hopeful. There was a lightness to his stroke, if I do say so myself. The bee seemed to realize at this point that there were other things to grab hold of around him. It’s like his tiny bee brain woke up. Lou was determined. She would provide the instrument for this little guy to grab on to.
This time getting out of the pool herself to find a lifesaver, Lou picked up a gardening tool with three prongs for turning over dirt. I would’ve chosen a shovel myself, but that’s beside the point. As she carried it over to what seemed would be the bee’s watery grave, she suddenly let out a huge yelp and threw the tool in the air grabbing her hand in pain. This time I ran to my baby bear’s side (a mother can only take so much) to see what this normally tough skinned kid was crying about.
In trying to help, she had coincidently got a large splinter in her hand. Before she could even get her helpful tool to the bug itself, she had to learn a painful lesson. The very thing she had chosen to save the poor creature’s life, who obviously needed her help, was the very thing that bit her on the…hand! (Sound familiar?)
Meanwhile, our little prince of a bug, paddled his way over to a small plastic ice cream cone Lou had left outside from the day before. A perfect unwitting floatation device the winged body was able to grab a hold of to pull him from what seemed to be a dire set of circumstances. We both looked over at this brave soul and marveled at his capacity to live, to breathe, to continue his mission to pollinate the world (I imagine)!
Lou clapped and jumped up and down, thrilled for the little fella.
I looked on and wished I could have done more.
It seems I have much to learn from the littlest spirits among us. Maybe we need to offer to shake things up once in awhile, but mostly just stand back and allow nature to take its course. Love it. Laugh at its obscurity and awe at the fact that we are allowed to play a small part in the cosmic plan. I am committed to stopping…watching…and just beeing until I can breathe and smile at the natural, uncontrived unfolding of the souls and world around me.
The week this mindful event took place was the same week I made a conscious decision to be absolutely present with my girls. I vowed to stop worrying about everything else when they needed me (at 2 and 8 months that's pretty much any time they are awake:)). I realized that all those worries will still be there and all I need to do when my babies are with me is be with them. Enjoy them. Be thankful that I have this time with them. Maybe there is a reason I am not working in a conventional job right now. Maybe the universe is providing me with an opportunity to just be with the girls and all I have to do is say "yes!" All I have to do is trust that the universe, my co-creator, will take care of the us. Funny enough, the next week, my dream job dropped in my inbox and another income opportunity I had planted a seed for months ago appeared! So learn to relax and be present with those in front of you and trust you are completely taken care of. Even the telling of this story, that would have never happened if I was checking my email while Lou played, became a blog that I can use as part of my dream job application. So trust people, TRUST...and be!