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I've been here before. Have you?
When I said "yes" to running a drop in center for teenagers for a year, when I said "yes" to my first teaching job and when I said "yes" to directing and stage managing a Shakespeare play for my students (ahhh..hem...I'm the math teacher, kids)! All of these times in my life, I knew I was saying "yes" to something bigger than me, something that would require more of me than I thought I was capable of at the time I decided to say "yes." I was saying yes to unknown territory so... all these "yeses" required me to stay very, very present as I was experiencing them! And although at the time it felt like I was stepping into the abyss... saying yes to the unknown changed me forever! The most recent of these moments until now was when I found myself pregnant outside the context of a "conventional relationship" and saying "yes" to this life inside me as well as to the possibility of a relationship with my friend and the father of my child. I have been stretched, expanded and literally cut open and my insides exposed through this particular "yes." This yes to a new life has required a kind of presence I've only read about in words of saints, mystics and masters! :) And the rest is, well, evolving! :) This week, I have felt that familiar urge to expand once again...and quite frankly it's freaking me out! When have you felt like this in your own life? Are you feeling like this now? (Your are not alone!!!) So because I'm trying to get this letter out while my young children are engaged in something else, I only have a moment and I want to be authentic and somewhat helpful. Bringing awareness to when this expansion is happening is incredibly important and will save you from that "how did I end up here, again" feeling! So try this! 1) Name what is making you to feel stretched 2) Feel it in your body. Feeling into that fear...into that feeling of I'm not good enough...into what you might have to leave behind if you say "yes." 3) Now feel into the possibility of your own brilliance? Into the present moment and the creation of YOU happening right now? Feel into the abundance and unlimited potential of you and the Youniverse! :) 4) Now...say "yes!" Jump! Woo hoooo! This I know...the incredible, benevolent Universe will support your unfolding...your "yes" to the unknown...your "yes" to your awesomeness! You (and I:)) are crossing the threshold into more love, more light, more depth, more authenticity and vulnerability! It may feel very raw, but don't turn back! Stay present and enjoy the ride! A more integrated, brilliant, enjoyable version of yourself is on the other side! I, for one, can't wait to meet her! :)
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1) Think about your financial situation. Now breathe and scan your body…where do you feel constriction, resistance or density? This is probably where you are holding your beliefs and energy about money in your body. (I held mine on my left side between my stomach and my heart…stuck between power/discipline chakra and love chakra!) Bring awareness to this area of your body when you are dealing with situations involving money. Breathe into it and release it by directing healing energy towards it.
2) Write down all your beliefs about money and the people that have it (or don’t have it). See blog entry Transparency and The Energy of Money for my examples. :) 3) Find a reason to be thankful for each of your limiting or undesirable beliefs. What have they taught you and what is of value moving forward into financial freedom! 4) Align your financial freedom with what you TRULY VALUE!!! If it’s time with loved ones…how will having money afford you more time with loved ones! If it’s spiritual growth…how will financial freedom allow for exponential growth of spirit! If it’s lattes and green smoothies made by someone besides you so be it! :) Begin to FEEL your inside world and outside world aligning! Ahhhhhhh! Now smile. :) I have hit my limit...literally! I overdrew my checking account for the last time yesterday! That's right folks, I'm laying out there for everyone to see because I'm so sick and tired of living this way (and I know many of you are as well)!
I have spent the last decade meditating, learning, reading and writing about...honing and shaping my internal world and the last year helping others to do the same...BUT, I have strategically neglected, ignored, and straight up refused to look at my inner workings and beliefs around money! Why? Because …
And here is the hilarious thing…I overdrew my account at the one time during the year I had and have PLENTY of money to pay for all bills plus some! And still, I miss managed, ignored, neglected and refused to LOOK at my finances because as we all now know by my internal money thermometer…money (according to Leslie) is the root of all that is evil and wrong with people! Well all I can say (and this was my big aha! this week) is THANK YOU! Thank you for moments of poverty for teaching me about what I really value in this life! Thank you “pay check to pay check” for teaching me to consume responsibly and to live simply so other may simply live! Thank you for the jobs that paid me a small percentage of what I and the job was worth, for you led me to search my soul for my true worth and passion. Thank you to my parents and generations before them who unwittingly transmitted these beliefs, for they provided me with many opportunities to empathize with, acknowledge the dignity of and genuinely communicate with people no matter how rejected and alien they may seem to society. Thank you…and I now officially release all the struggling and scarcity! I am ready to FULLY embrace a world of abundance and unlimited potential…not just within my soul but on the outside as well, in this incredibly beautiful, exquisite earthly realm! I’m ready to be able to
Now, don't worry, this hippie soul still looks forward to a the day (hopefully in my lifetime) when our gifts and talents are exchanged equally in community and we are valued just for being human! A time when everyone has more than enough and enjoys enough inner and outer freedom to embrace the cycle of giving and receiving effortlessly but... until that day I will honor the place and time I was planted and accept any and all outer (and inner) abundance the Universe would gift me! I’m all in for love AND money $! WARNING: NOT YOUR TYPICAL BLOG POST :)
These last few weeks have been incredibly scary and incredibly enlightening! I've found my tribe! After a series of way cool synchronicities (which included meeting Laura Day's, author of the bestselling How to Rule the World From Your Couch, brother on the playground!) and using some super awesome visualization techniques...I've connected to a group of people who I believe are going to shift they way we do business, life and how we live in community! Yes community...and I'm not talking about let's get together, have drinks or coffee, blow some small talk up each others a**ess and then go our separate ways...I'm talking about a place where your can bring your fears, doubts, insecurities and shadows as well as your brilliance, gifts, genius and light!!! I'm talking real connection, real healing, and real life/business integration! No more just saying we want more time with... our kids our families our loved ones our creative endevours our passions ourSELVES...:) etc, etc, etc! but really learning how to do that and in the context of a paradigm shifting circle of energy that will support your authentic connection to Source and awakening to your highest potential! Sounds to good to be true? I know! But I have already been connecting personally with this amazing group of people which is why I had to share with you beautiful group of people about the event that is taking place in less than a month. Okay...I know you can feel my excitement as I write this so I'll just give you the info (below) and PLEASE feel free to contact me if your feel like this is something YOU are resonating with! I would love for some of the people I love and care about to have the opportunity to attend this event! ****************************************** YES...this takes place at the incredible natural hot springs in Eden, AZ (May 8th - 11th)...which in my opinion is worth checking out in and of itself! You can check out the website about the event here: http://www.EdenUnplugged.com When you get there: Check out the page. There are some great pictures, and a call you can listen to to get a better *feel* for the amazingness that will unsue. :) Download the call so you can listen on your own time because it’s long and when you do download it, you’ll get the Q&A call that answers a lot of questions about the event too. (Download the call here: http://www.EdenUnplugged.com/intro) See you in the hot springs! :) P.S. If you can't go, but feel connected to this event (like many people are) and would like to participate in some way please hold space in your heart for us May 8th -11th! I plan on bringing back and sharing much of what I've learned with my community so if you have enjoyed my little weekly updates or would love to learn more please feel free to donate to help off set the cost for me and my family at www.healthyselfwellness.com. Both the positive energy and $ energy are appreciated equally! Thank you! I have a problem with reacting impulsively. Verbally that is.
To my defense I chalk this up to being a "highly intuitive and sensitive child" who kept her perception of the world deep down inside for a LONG time! So now that the pity part is over (almost ;)) and I've found my voice, my emotions, intuitions, judgments, ideas, inspirations now come spewing out on those unexpecting victims I like to call my loved ones at warp speed! :) Do you know anyone like this? ;) Now that my feet are beginning to touch the ground, I am learning how to be "in authentic relationship" with other human beings in this earthly realm... and, well, in my earth tone living room. I'm not talking about the kind of relationship where, you play and role and I play a role...I ignore your shit if you ignore mine. I'm talking about a whole new paradigm of being together...a welcoming, accepting and helping each other transform into more highly evolved individuals who carry the light of the Universe within our very SOULS kind of relationship! And to be frank...I suck at this! But, I'm learning every day and I wanted to share something (pretty drastic) I did this week to keep my impulsivity in check and my relationships in tact! :) I decided to be silent! That’s right folks…I am a non-reactionary, all accepting, completely allowing, non-attachment, loving, breathing (a lot of breathing) woman! It can be done. When emotions, reactions, intuitive feelings, judgments, perceptions want to come hurdling out of me at the speed of light (which is quite often, I might add), I stop… take a breath… acknowledge my feelings (very important), take responsibility for my own stuff and whewwwwwwwwwwwww……exhale! And all this in the time it would normally take me to cut someone off, mispercieve their intention, project my own fears, doubts or insecurities on them, and then make some distorted profession of my all knowing, all seeing nature! J I choose silence! |
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