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I've been waiting for the perfect time to post my next blog...waiting and waiting and waiting to let all of you know what has been going on and why the lengthy period of time between posts.
But you know what? There is in never a perfect time. The perfect, i'mperfect, time is right now! So here I am. I'm checking in today, this September 25th at 12:59 PM. I'm feelin a little frustrated and very quiet. Readying to go inward (as soon as my 3 year old stops sneaking out of her room and peeking around the corner on her hands and knees). :) I last posted about "landing." And indeed that was the case. Many people are feeling right now a new relationship with their physical bodies and that is true for me also. I had a very dramatic experience of actually being able to feel my body again. I think my partner thought I was on drugs becausee I kept dragging my feet against the carpet and my hands over smooth surfaces just because I could FEEL them, as if for the first time! The mental and emotional effects have been lovely as well...my body has slowed down to an "earth" pace (think of water cutting a river into rock) and thus my mind and emotions have done the same. I am less reactionary and more thoughtful before I speak. When I honor this change and allow my physical body time to really "feel" a situation, I make better decisions. It has been quite the integration and visceral in a way I never knew possible. Why am I telling you this? I know that many of you are feeling a shift as well. Maybe you have experienced the opposite and have felt a quickening in your body or thoughts. Maybe you've begun to feel your heart calling you to make a change or feel into a life transition in a way you never have before. Whatever you are experiencing...it is all as it should be. I just wanted to assure all of you that what you are feeling is. Just is. Try not to judge the shifting. Try to embrace the integration even if it feels foreign. You are becoming more of who you really are...who WE really are! When you feel into what the Universe is calling you to do and do the internal work that is yours, you are healing all of us...you are healing the world! We are moving into a more integrated way of love, peace and joy and listening to your body and your heart is an integral part of making this shift happen! So, I want to hear from YOU! Check in. Tell me how you're feeling in your body right now. What is true for you right now and know all of it is good and welcomed! Thank you for reading and allowing me this time to integrate more wholeness into my life! For those of you wondering, I am still taking clients for spiritual coaching and energy readings you need only to contact me through this site or on facebook to get all the details. :) Many blessings on this beautiful Sunday afternoon! Now off to help my sneaky little sprite drift off to dreamland...or are we already here? ;)
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I've been here before. Have you?
When I said "yes" to running a drop in center for teenagers for a year, when I said "yes" to my first teaching job and when I said "yes" to directing and stage managing a Shakespeare play for my students (ahhh..hem...I'm the math teacher, kids)! All of these times in my life, I knew I was saying "yes" to something bigger than me, something that would require more of me than I thought I was capable of at the time I decided to say "yes." I was saying yes to unknown territory so... all these "yeses" required me to stay very, very present as I was experiencing them! And although at the time it felt like I was stepping into the abyss... saying yes to the unknown changed me forever! The most recent of these moments until now was when I found myself pregnant outside the context of a "conventional relationship" and saying "yes" to this life inside me as well as to the possibility of a relationship with my friend and the father of my child. I have been stretched, expanded and literally cut open and my insides exposed through this particular "yes." This yes to a new life has required a kind of presence I've only read about in words of saints, mystics and masters! :) And the rest is, well, evolving! :) This week, I have felt that familiar urge to expand once again...and quite frankly it's freaking me out! When have you felt like this in your own life? Are you feeling like this now? (Your are not alone!!!) So because I'm trying to get this letter out while my young children are engaged in something else, I only have a moment and I want to be authentic and somewhat helpful. Bringing awareness to when this expansion is happening is incredibly important and will save you from that "how did I end up here, again" feeling! So try this! 1) Name what is making you to feel stretched 2) Feel it in your body. Feeling into that fear...into that feeling of I'm not good enough...into what you might have to leave behind if you say "yes." 3) Now feel into the possibility of your own brilliance? Into the present moment and the creation of YOU happening right now? Feel into the abundance and unlimited potential of you and the Youniverse! :) 4) Now...say "yes!" Jump! Woo hoooo! This I know...the incredible, benevolent Universe will support your unfolding...your "yes" to the unknown...your "yes" to your awesomeness! You (and I:)) are crossing the threshold into more love, more light, more depth, more authenticity and vulnerability! It may feel very raw, but don't turn back! Stay present and enjoy the ride! A more integrated, brilliant, enjoyable version of yourself is on the other side! I, for one, can't wait to meet her! :) I have hit my limit...literally! I overdrew my checking account for the last time yesterday! That's right folks, I'm laying out there for everyone to see because I'm so sick and tired of living this way (and I know many of you are as well)!
I have spent the last decade meditating, learning, reading and writing about...honing and shaping my internal world and the last year helping others to do the same...BUT, I have strategically neglected, ignored, and straight up refused to look at my inner workings and beliefs around money! Why? Because …
And here is the hilarious thing…I overdrew my account at the one time during the year I had and have PLENTY of money to pay for all bills plus some! And still, I miss managed, ignored, neglected and refused to LOOK at my finances because as we all now know by my internal money thermometer…money (according to Leslie) is the root of all that is evil and wrong with people! Well all I can say (and this was my big aha! this week) is THANK YOU! Thank you for moments of poverty for teaching me about what I really value in this life! Thank you “pay check to pay check” for teaching me to consume responsibly and to live simply so other may simply live! Thank you for the jobs that paid me a small percentage of what I and the job was worth, for you led me to search my soul for my true worth and passion. Thank you to my parents and generations before them who unwittingly transmitted these beliefs, for they provided me with many opportunities to empathize with, acknowledge the dignity of and genuinely communicate with people no matter how rejected and alien they may seem to society. Thank you…and I now officially release all the struggling and scarcity! I am ready to FULLY embrace a world of abundance and unlimited potential…not just within my soul but on the outside as well, in this incredibly beautiful, exquisite earthly realm! I’m ready to be able to
Now, don't worry, this hippie soul still looks forward to a the day (hopefully in my lifetime) when our gifts and talents are exchanged equally in community and we are valued just for being human! A time when everyone has more than enough and enjoys enough inner and outer freedom to embrace the cycle of giving and receiving effortlessly but... until that day I will honor the place and time I was planted and accept any and all outer (and inner) abundance the Universe would gift me! I’m all in for love AND money $! I wrote this 7.5 years ago in my journal as a response to a conversation I must have shared with my then friend and my now partner and father of my children! If you’re feeling like your underwater, suffocating or overwhelmed…I hope you find a little relief in this.
9/12/03 “I understand your dream now. Either I had a dream like it, which is what I think happened, or I was all of a sudden able to completely empathize with you. Your underwater dream… I remember being underwater, holding my breath, worried my breath wasn’t deep enough to sustain me and then all of a sudden – I realize! – I can breathe through my nose! It’s like something I should have known all along but for some reason I couldn’t remember [or forgot] and now it just seems so simple! Maybe we [are] going through times of significant realizations in our lives or something. It was funny because I was just driving and - BAM - my body remembered the feeling of that dream! Of course we can breathe underwater!” Can you? Go ahead. Remember. Try it. :) Having been raised a Roman Catholic, this week marks the beginning of the holy season of Lent. If you celebrate Lent you may be giving up something (like chocolate or coffee) for 40 days and 40 nights and abstaining from meat on Fridays. Some of us even attend a service, get ashes swept across our foreheads (a sign that we will return to dust) and listen to readings about how we should foresake all things religious? Huh? lol
As a child, Lent always kind of rubbed me the wrong way. It’s like the season went against the very truth of who I was! As children we are naturally drawn to celebrate...everything! I don't know a child that comes to sacrifice very naturally. Lent is a time for repentance...for sacrificing to God and many people interpret this as sacrificing worldly pleasures...as if worldly pleasures were bad! And all this at a time when the flowers are beginning to bloom, the birds are singing and the energy of the Universe is "twiterpated!" It's like the world is just beckoning you to indulge! So whether or not you’re frying fish up on Fridays or not, I wanted to leave with just a few things to ponder… 1) Yes, we are dust... AND stardust ! You are the Dark but you are also the Light! And that’s okay…it’s perfect! 2) What if…just what if nothing you could do in this life time would EVER offend, hurt or shame the Ulmighty God of All…or this All Loving Universe! Just what if? 3) If you integrated these two thoughts, how would that change your life? How would you FEEL? How would you interpret the things that “happen” to you or others? Would it change the way you live your life? I for one will be enjoying the pleasures of this amazing realm we call Earth. After all, we have chosen to be an intimate and integral part of it…I hear my fair trade, sustainably harvested organic dark chocolate calling now! :) Ashes to ashes…stardust to stardust…smile to your heart that carries both! I found this little excerpt in a notebook I keep in my purse for "homemaking" things like grocery lists. I have no recollection of writing it. It spoke to me this morning...I hope someone else may find solace in it as well. Have a beautiful Sunday!
"When you receive sparks of truth or enlightenment on this journey, do not think of them as absolutes or finalities; stop...breathe...fill your heart with love and gratitude...for you are evolving and we are fortunate to be in a time where we are able to witness many stages of our own evolution AS it is happening! So say thank you to the spark and be ever patient and vigilant waiting for the next." Cheers to our evolution! |
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